Thursday, December 5, 2013

All Out War

            Some of you come here often. For those of you who don’t let me just explain a couple things about myself before going any further. I’m a nature girl. I love the outdoors, but could do without the creepy crawlies. I love birds, plants, and turtles. I love the mystery of something looking one way one day and that same thing looking totally different the next.

            Until it comes to a vehicle.

            Welcome to my world, and after reading the following story you will realize why I call this blog A Day in the Life.

            My love for birds sometimes brings heartbreak. They fly into my windows. They build homes just outside said windows. We get excited when we see fuzzy little heads just above the nest edge. Then one day we come home from work to find an empty nest. Minutes later a big black snake slithers its fat body along the grass in the front yard. Feeling full from its fill of fuzzy babies it stops and rests in the sun while it digests the afternoon meal.

            Yeah, nature can be cruel, but we go on. We continue to feed the birds. We continue to listen to their happy little songs or cheery chirps. We continue to watch the gray squirrels get on the feeders and steal the birds’ wholesome concoction.

            Let me stop beating around the bush, so to speak, and get to the point. I love nature, but only tolerate some aspects of it. Like the fuzzy gray nuisances, known as squirrels, that seem to think they are the rulers of my piece of Podunk.

            I put up with them doing all sorts of acrobatics to get to the birdseed. I put up with them taunting my dogs. I somewhat put up with them climbing in my shrubs. The other day though, upon returning home from a Thanksgiving trip with the family, the damage done to one of my vehicles via squirrel turned the “putting up” with squirrels to an all out war.

            Yeah, the Charmed One and I had our fill when we walked past the SUV and noticed something a muck with the running boards. My father, the resident expert in all things animalistic, concurred that the violent act was that of a squirrel. LET THE WAR BEGIN.

            That vehicle is actually for sale, so we are not happy about this turn of events. And it isn’t just one side of the vehicle. The squirrel(s) decided it (they) would give the other side a taste test also. Why? Would you imagine plastic to taste good? Maybe they thought that if they chewed through the outside that the inside would be filled with birdseed? Peanuts? Just asking.

            The next morning, still stewing from the running board smorgasbord, I watched the frisky fatties monopolize the bird feeders once more. My red headed temper was at its peak. I’d had enough.

            War had begun. Only waging a war against squirrels may be one never-ending saga. I’m determined though. My first weapon of choice was the gourds I have just outside the door. I know that gourd time is now over, but they are perfect for throwing at the evil monsters. (And before you hate me I have never even come close to hitting one. I’m just trying to scare them off the feeders.) The time came where they laughed at me for missing them so often. That really irritated me. Fuming, I searched the depths of my pea brain and came up with the answer. I think.

            That’s right. I have now mixed red pepper flakes in with the birdseed, and sprinkled some on the ground around the poles holding the feeders. We’ll see if that deters the little bas*@$… er, monsters. I also went one step farther and wiped down the running boards on the SUV with Tabasco sauce. We’ll see how they like chomping down on that.

            War has begun. I’ll let you know how it goes. So far I haven’t seen many furry freaks around, but I could be missing them. The birds are fluttering back choosing their morsels. Let’s see how long that lasts…

*Just a quick note, after this was published I did see a squirrel on the bird feeder again. I guess they scoff at the red pepper flakes. I'm off to get cayenne pepper now. :(

Are you a nature person? Have you heard of squirrels eating running boards? Do you have menacing creatures that put you in an uproar?

Weekly Planting Information (W.P.I.) - If squirrels are a problem in your yard, feeders, or garden, I found some information that might be useful to you. Squirrels have a keen sense of smell. There are a good many items available with strong odors that can do the job without harming the squirrels. One of the oldest measures is to sprinkle any kind of hot pepper (cayenne, etc) around your garden plants. Another remedy to keep squirrels out of the garden is to plant a border of marigolds around the garden, because squirrels hate the smell. 


  1. KELLY!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I am yelling all the way up here from NY and no doubt you can hear me. (I am also laughing so hard tears are running down my face but you should ignore that!)

    I am here to support my little grey friends, who bring me endless joy with their creative acrobatics and skill as they steal all of the food from my neighbors' bird feeders. Feeders that are often filled with the pesky feathered noise makers who constantly choose to make their nests above my car windows, then s@#* all over them. I love to watch the squirrels as they scurry to and fro, cheeks stuffed full with seed, storing their winter supplies in said neighbors' garage. I often sit on the front porch and listen as they chatter back and forth, undoubtedly telling me of their day. I have been known to talk back to them and am often delighted with their sqwuaking as they line up on the roof line to tell me I am indeed right. Each spring, I am excited to meet all of their babies and see them scurry across the trees, learning to leap, twist and steal bird seed! I even carefully pick up any of the walnuts that have fallen too early and move them closer to their front doors, unless I am using them to chase away the darn birds. (Sadly, my aim is no better than yours apparently. Who WAS our gym teacher?)

    They, in turn, do not eat my car. Or come in the house. We are neighbors, united against the birds. I have made them my friends.

    You, evidently, are excluding them. Bird feeders? Have you not considered how slighted they must feel in your discriminatory yard? They make adorable squirrel feeders, you know. Also, I see you went off on a trip...evidently, you did not leave enough food. While you were relaxing and enjoying yourself, stuffing yourself with Thanksgiving yummies I bet, the poor innocent squirrels were forced to eat plastic and rubber!!! Then, you return home and as they rush to greet you, you feed them hot sauce? My poor little furry friends only wanted to say, "Welcome home, we missed you!"

    1. Dear Trista,
      I don't know how we've got along all these years considering we are total opposites. Or maybe that is why we are friends??? Your squirrel perspective brings a smile to my face and makes me realize that you have totally lost your mind.
      For years I have watched the fuzzy rats with big tails monopolize my bird feeders. I've let them get away with more food than the poor birds. NOT ANY MORE. And as far as the "cute squirrel feeders," my parents have them and they still STEAL the birdseed. THIEVES.
      Honestly I don't know how you can support, or even condone, an animal that constantly breaks the laws of nature, and humanity. Those rats are criminals. I may have to look at you differently. :)

      Thank you for responding!!! And I'm glad I could make you smile!